Project Symbiosis
by Cherry chain
Summary: My relationship with Castiel is complicated. -A series of unrelated drabbles on the various possible takes on the (non-romantic) relationship between Castiel and his vessel. I'm always accepting prompts-
1. Purgatory

_Symbiosis (noun): the living together of two dissimilar organisms, sometimes in a manner that benefits both (+/+) but can also include parasitism (+/-), __amensalism (0/-), and commensalism (0/+) _

Project Symbiosis is something I started on tumblr (If you want to follow this project on tumblr, my url is hunters-creed ). Jimmy Novak is my favourite character and the interaction between angels and their vessels is something I'm really interested in. So this is just going to be a series of unrelated drabbles about the two of them and the various takes on the possible nature of their relationship (except romantically).

I'd love to get prompts. If you have any headcanons or specific relationships you want to see and don't mind me writing it, please tell me!

Oh yeah, one headcanon that I will be pretty consistently running on (unless requested otherwise by the prompt) is that Jimmy comes back with Cas every death because I believe angelic possession to require the human soul to be present.

I'm gonna start off with a really short drabble I wrote before I even began this project just so this page isn't entirely OOC.

* * *

0 / +

Castiel heard the prayers every day, begging for him to return. It was all that kept him going as he focused on the task at hand. Avoid Leviathans. Keep running. Stay alive.

The prayers were all that stopped him from accepting his fate. He wanted to simply stand and die and pay for his sins. But no matter how much he wanted it all just to end, he could not bear to let that prayer down.

So he promised to live, and fight, and suffer. To do his penance the hard way, so that he can fulfill that prayer one day.

Because Jimmy would never allow him to give up.

_Castiel, if you can hear me, please, I beg you. Bring my father home._


	2. Cellphone

0/-

Jimmy groaned as Castiel's presence roused him from his sleep. He tried to ignore the angel's call, wanted to just crawl deeper within himself and back to a state of sweet oblivion where nothing penetrated except the stabbing pains of battle wounds.

His angel gripped him firmly though, and pulled him up as easily as a man would pick up a kitten.

_I need your help,_ Castiel asked calmly.

_What more could you possibly want from me?_ Jimmy snarled, fighting to break the angel's grip on him. Castiel hardly seem to notice, his attention divided elsewhere.

Jimmy stopped struggling as Castiel brought him out- almost fully out!- and he was seeing through his own eyes again. He marveled for a second at the wonderful gift of sight. Had the world always been this sharp and clear, so full of detail? Had he simply forgotten that things had always looked like this, or was it because he was seeing things through Castiel's angelic senses?

His attention was drawn to his hand as Castiel brought it out of his pocket and unfolded a crumpled piece of paper with a string of numbers scrawled across it.

_This survived?_ Jimmy asked incredulously. When Raphael had killed them, Jimmy was pretty sure his clothes -and what was in his pockets- definitely did not survive the whole being smote into a million bits thing.

_He remade my vessel perfectly._ Castiel replied, and Jimmy knew that the He came with a capital H. The angel was pretty convinced it was God who had put him back together and dragged Jimmy down from heaven into this nightmare once more. _Did the brothers give this to you?_

_Why do you care?_ Jimmy shot back. He felt Castiel's growing ire, and decided to relent. It was one thing being crushed in his own body by the Grace of an angel. It's quite another to be crushed in his own body by the Grace of a pissed-off angel.

_Yes, they did. It's Sam's cell number._

Castiel didn't say anything for a long time, and grumbling, Jimmy tried to retreat back within himself. His angel absently held onto him though, refusing to let him leave. It was almost infuriating how easily Castiel held him.

_Jimmy, I need to find Dean. He has something we need. But I can't track them-_

_I know, I know, the sigils you carved into the boys. What do you need me for?_ Jimmy asked, his anger rising.

_I need a cellphone._

Jimmy was taken off guard by that response. It…was not what he expected. Castiel looked up and only now did Jimmy recognize their surroundings. The angel was on the upper floor of a busy shopping mall, standing awkwardly at the entrance of an electronics shop.

_I need to call them to find out where they are. To procure a phone will require…talking to people. _

Castiel's eyes focused on a salesman in the store currently helping a couple who seemed to be torn in a decision between two laptops. Right, talking to people. Because that was one of Castiel's strong suits.

_Did you not try using mine?_ If Sam's number survived, then Jimmy's cellphone likely did too.

_Of course I did. It would not work._

Right, Amelia would have canceled his plan by now.

_I'll help on one condition,_ Jimmy finally agreed.

_What is it?_ Castiel asked cautiously.

_You let me out, and I will go in there and get you a working phone. In exchange, I walk free for one day._

There was a long pause and Jimmy felt his irritation rising once more. He had been dragged around by Castiel for more than a year and his angel hesitated in giving even one day back to him?

_Is a single day too much to ask for?_

He almost dared Castiel to say yes. He was fed up with being used and tossed aside like trash. He had given _everything_ to his angel. He almost wanted to let out his anger, to have a reason to fight his angel for control.

But Castiel relented.

_Fine._


	3. Losing Faith

+ / +

Jimmy felt a deep, festering pain and drew the protective, feathery wings of his angel tighter around himself. He felt a stab of annoyance -Castiel had promised to protect him from the physical pains of the body after all- before he tried to drift back into oblivious sleep.

The pain did not go away though and his annoyance turned to worry. He reached out and brushed aside the feathers, letting in the light of Castiel's Grace.

_What's wrong?_

Castiel pulled his wings aggressively back over Jimmy.

_It does not concern you. Sleep._

The angel could not hide from him though. Grace and Soul were too tightly intertwined and Jimmy pushed himself out of the warm, safe nest Castiel had built him and examined the Grace he had been tied to for a year and a half.

It was only then that Jimmy saw that the pain wasn't external. Something was wrong with Castiel himself. That was why the angel could not shield him from it.

Jimmy was all too familiar with this pain.

_You have lost faith?_ Jimmy asked. Castiel simply growled in response, drawing away. Jimmy did not relent, pulling at the memories from his angel.

_You can't hide from me. Talk to me._

_Don't push me,_ Castiel warned, but relented nonetheless, allowing Jimmy to hear the words of Joshua as reported by the brothers. That God didn't care.

Castiel had given everything -absolutely _everything_- for Him. He had rebelled against heaven, and his Father had brought him back. He thought that meant He cared, that He approved.

_I understand_, Jimmy told Castiel. He didn't need to offer any other words. There was no talking the pain away, no sugar-coating, no misdirection that could fill the void where He used to reside. Before all this…_insanity _started, Jimmy would have thought this scenario bizarre, outlandish. An Angel of the Lord having a crisis of faith?

But now, knowing what he knew, he had expected this for a long time.

Castiel was quiet, his wings drooped, the brilliant light of Grace faltering. It was quite a sight, seeing an angel in such a state. Castiel had doubted before, felt lost and abandoned and confused, but never to this extent.

Jimmy reached out and pulled Castiel into an embrace. His angel pulled away at first -and it was like trying to hold onto a flipping truck- but then he seemed to just, give up. Castiel fell docile, allowing himself to be drawn into the safety and comfort of a Human soul.

Jimmy just held his angel close, trying to be reassuring, confident, just as he would hold his own child.

Castiel will heal, in time. He will learn that there are things more important than Him and heaven and some "greater purpose", just as Jimmy himself did.


	4. Warrior

0 / 0

The worst part about being a vessel was the fighting. It was definitely the fighting.

Before Castiel came into his life, Jimmy never saw any violence beyond the television screen. The worst he had been hurt was the time when he had slipped on a patch of ice and sprained his wrist to catch himself.

Allowing Castiel in brought them into conflict immediately. Barely hours after the angel first settled into his skin, pushing Jimmy down into the dark recesses of his own body and mind, Jimmy felt excruciating pain.

Someone had stabbed him in the heart, burying the knife up its its hilt into his flesh. Jimmy wanted to clutch at the mortal wound and scream and fall over and curl up but he was not in control; and that was more terrifying than the pain. He could only watch distantly, shaking in agony as Castiel simply pulled the knife out and allowed it to fall clattering to the ground.

Jimmy felt a pulse of power from the Grace he now shared a body with, and the pain vanished. The wound was gone, his heart beating slowly and calm, as if nothing had happened.

Castiel had felt the pain too, Jimmy realized then. Perhaps it had hurt his angel even more, being the one more connected to the body now. Above the pain, the lack of control over his own motions, even the display of angelic power, what unnerved him most was that Castiel didn't even _flinch_.

That scared him. It was then that he realized just how truly different the being he had accepted into his body was from him. Castiel was a warrior, and Jimmy couldn't be any further from that label.


	5. Cellphone 2

AN: Hmm, not sure if I liked how this one came out but I definitely wanted to explore Castiel being _very_ indifferent to Jimmy.

One possible ending for the Cellphone drabble

I'd love to get some prompts guys!

* * *

0 / -

While Jimmy would describe being possessed as like being "chained to a comet", the process of _becoming_ possessed was much different.

When Castiel first moved in, it was like a bright white wave crashed over him and filled everything with an endless sea of light. He was battered and pulled about, helpless against the power of that holy deluge. The undercurrents soon tugged him down deep beneath the surface and no matter how hard he fought he could not break free. At first there was panic, and he struggled for air, his throat burning, his lungs gasping until finally he couldn't take it anymore he opened his mouth and took a breath, expecting water and knowing that he was going to drown.

Except it wasn't water that came in. It wasn't air either, but whatever it was, it didn't burn his lungs or cause him to cough it back up. His panic eventually subsided, and he got used to breathing that thick, stuffy, holy light-air-water thing.

Though that isn't quite _literally_ how it felt, it is probably the closest thing one can describe it in English.

So when Castiel allowed him to finally surface, it was like gasping down that first breath of sweet fresh air for the first time after he had forgotten what it was like. His senses all came at once and it nearly overwhelmed him. He stumbled and would have fallen if Castiel didn't extend a steadying force to catch him.

Jimmy marveled at the feeling of having solid floor beneath his feet. He forgot how steady the world once was, so _solid._ He took a deeper breath than he needed to, enjoying the feeling of air filling his lungs. His eyes darted back and forth hungrily, taking in the bright gaudy colors of the mall, though something seemed off. Everything looked dim, as if a dark filter had been placed before his eyes. Likely because he was so used to being surrounded by the blinding light of Grace.

_Hurry, _Castiel's voice rumbled at the back of his mind. Jimmy didn't reply, though he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Whatever brought them back really did bring _everything_ back.

As he opened it his eyes darted to the photo of Claire taken on her tenth birthday, smiling widely over her cake. He quickly pulled out what cash he had and tucked the wallet away. He didn't want to be reminded of of what he can never get back.

_Where are you going? _Castiel asked as Jimmy counted the money -eighty bucks, not bad- and left the electronics store.

_Unless if you can magically reactive my credit card, I'm going to buy us a phone card._

—-

Jimmy sat at a bench in the middle of the hall, typing the code into his phone. He wasn't even going to bother wondering how the thing still had batteries.

_There, it's set up,_ Jimmy reported, snapping the phone close and moved to drop it into his pocket.

Or at least, that's what he meant to do.

_I'm sorry,_ his Angel told him, but Jimmy didn't hear any sincerity in Castiel's voice as the ground dropped out beneath him and Grace swallowed him once more.

_You promised!_ Jimmy raged, as Castiel dialed a number.

_We can't waste any time._

"Sam."

"Hello…? Castiel?"

"I need to know your current location."

"Ah, St. Martin's Hospital. Wh-"

Castiel pocketed the phone and disappeared.


	6. Time

Castiel, thank you, for giving me the chance to do service in the name of heaven. To allow me to make a difference in this world. It has been hard, and unpleasant, but I gladly give all I have in the name of my Lord.

Castiel, I'm scared. I am not a warrior. I have bled, and hurt, and killed. Are we doing the right thing? It has been ordained by heaven, and must be just, but why do I doubt? Offer me guidance.

Castiel, you son of a bitch! You promised me my family would be okay, you promised you were gonna take care of them. I gave you everything you asked me to give, I gave you more. This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? This is your heaven? Help me, please. You promised, Cas, just help me.

Castiel, you bastard. Your heaven is false, your God cruel and uncaring. You lied to me, took everything away from me. You would have trapped my daughter in this eternal torment. You have taken my family. You do not care at all.

Castiel, you have rebelled. You doubt, feel lost, abandoned, betrayed. You hurt inside in a way nothing can fix. You have seen the truth and it is dark and ugly and nothing can make it right. I am glad you understand me now.

Castiel, what is wrong? You try so hard but things always crumble before your eyes. How dare he give up? How dare he speak of free will and a happy ending and yet have the audacity to say Yes? You gave everything for him. Do you now know what I have lost?

Castiel, your pain is so profound, it hurts me do not understand all that you are doing for them. You fight a civil war to protect the future that they gave so much for. They do not trust you, they do not care about you. I wonder if my previous loves know what I still do for them? Odd, I can not remember their names.

Castiel, talk to me, I have no one else. Your mind has broken, shattered, splintered. You have given it all and it's still not enough. I want to help, let me help! I had another life once, but it is too far away; I do not remember it. I have always lived in the light of your Grace, so please let me help. Let me put you back together again.

Castiel, live and fight on. Don't lose hope; you will find your happiness one day. I am but the last shattered piece of your mind and I eagerly await the day we become whole once more.

* * *

AN: This is my headcanon of the progression of how Jimmy feels about being a vessel. He goes from being humble and in awe, to scared and confused, to anger after 4.20, but eventually, Jimmy's current existence is so different from his existence as a human -just, a completely different sense of "existing"- that his past life seems more and more like an unreality. What is happening to Castiel in the now and present is much more real and concrete than his own memories and eventually his life as Jimmy Novak slips away and his identity becomes more tied to Castiel. Eventually his past life seems like just a dream, and he feels like just another piece of his angel rather than his own being.

the ticking clock: Thanks for the prompts! I'll get working on them after my exam tonight :)


	7. Crying

_Prompt from the ticking clock : Jimmy explains the sensation of crying when Castiel is upset for the first time_

Jimmy sometimes catches flashes of events. Usually it is during moments of battle, especially when his body has taken serious damage and the pain jolts his soul awake. Sometimes it is when Castiel has to use a particularly great amount of power and Jimmy is dragged out just for a moment by the flow of Grace. But this time, it was because his angel was mourning.

The image that flashed through his consciousness was that of a woman in a white dress, sprawled on the cold cement. Blood at her throat revealed a small circular wound; she was dead. But most alarmingly was the huge pair of wings charred onto the ground.

_An angel?_ Jimmy asked, as Castiel glanced up at the sound of incoming human police.

_A friend,_ came the subdued reply and Jimmy braced himself as Castiel's wings snapped open and pulled them through space to reappear somewhere else. Jimmy could only hang on for dear life, still less than used to the feeling of being dragged around at warp-speed.

They reappeared at some city park, empty at such a late hour, illuminated only by the distant streetlights. Castiel stood there, unmoving, silent.

_Are you okay?_ Jimmy asked, recovering enough to be concerned.

_I am fine._ Castiel's tone was neutral, giving little hint of what he might be feeling. But he had to do better than that to fool the soul he was now connected to.

_Were you close?_ Jimmy pressed on, beginning to relax himself.

Castiel took a seat on the nearest bench.

_She was assigned to my garrison three thousand years ago. I have fought by her side since. She was a good warrior._

Jimmy settled down next to Castiel's Grace.

_You mourn her passing?_

_Of course._

_Then why hide it?_

Castiel seemed genuinely surprised at the question.

_Why show it?_ He asked.

Jimmy paused, unsure of how to respond. He certainly didn't know the grief of losing a friend of several millennia. In fact, he had been blessed during his life in that he had never lost anyone truly close. But he has certainly consoled friends before.

_It will make you feel better_, Jimmy offered. _You don't need to hold it back. There's no shame in crying._

Castiel tilted his head in confusion.

_Why would I cry?_

_Because-_ Jimmy faltered, reaching out farther into the real world, into his own body and its reaction to the angel's pain. _Do you not feel that pain in your chest? Like something is squeezing your heart and lungs, and your throat is tight, trying to hold it all back? How you're afraid to breathe because if you do, some wall will come down and everything will rush out?_

Castiel's looked down as if at his heart, brows creasing as he realized that Jimmy was right. He never knew human bodies could react so strongly to emotion.

_You don't have to be scared of letting it out. Just let go. I'm here for you,_ Jimmy reassured his angel.

Castiel hesitated for a second, unsure if he wanted to give in to the demands of his vessel but he has already brushed that wall. It didn't take much pressure to begin to crumble and Castiel felt a painful sound sound force its way past his throat as his vision began to blur-

The silence of night was broken by the flutter of wings and Castiel looked up to see the form of another angel, Uriel, shadowed against the background of distant city lights. Castiel gritted his teeth and reestablished his control over the body, pushing the ugly emotions down.

"Where have you been?" The other angel demanded.

"Kosmiel called for help. She is dead," Castiel reported in a flat voice and Uriel's features softened.

"I'm sorry. Alastair still refuses to talk. I think it's time we find Dean Winchester."

Castiel got to his feet. "Of course."

_Thank you. I do feel better_, Castiel lied to Jimmy as they disappeared into the night.

* * *

AN: I've always been terribly sad when I remember that Castiel's Garrison was more or less decimated. If Castiel can care so much for Sam and Dean after knowing them for just over a year, what about his fellow soldiers he had spent thousands of years together with?

I liked this prompt because it got me thinking about something I didn't before; how much the physical vessel affects the angel's reactions. Things like crying _is_ a physical process and hormones etc are involved. I thought about when Cas left his vessel during 4.20, Jimmy was _starving_. So I think the body does send out all the usual signals _I'm hungry, feed me, I'm thirsty, get a drink. There's an itch, scratch it. I'm exhausted, go to sleep. I'm injured, scream. I'm sad, cry._ and the angels can feel it but they have no idea what the hell it means since they're foreign concepts to them (or they just don't care because their magic keeps the body alive) so they just ignore it except in circumstances when it's so strong they can't fight the urge (Like Castiel under the influence of Famine)


	8. Zion

_Prompt from the ticking clock : Castiel allows Jimmy to feel what it's like to fly_

+ / +

Jimmy was woken by his angel with a gentle nudge, and he grogilly climbed back into consciousness.

_I thought you might like to see this,_ Castiel told him calmly, pulling Jimmy up and out to see through his eyes. They stood above a great canyon, the valley floor two thousand feet below, a river lazily winding through its middle. The great cliffs on either side of the canyon was banded with layers of coppers, reds, pinks and whites. Hardy plants clung to the bare rock all about them and up above was a brilliant cloudless, blue sky.

_Zion National Park_, Jimmy gasped, and Castiel turned his head to allow Jimmy to see all of their stood at the summit of a thin strip of rock that jutted out from the canyon walls behind them. At the highest point, the view of the valley below was unobstructed in a full circle. A few other people sat on the bare patch of rock with them, all looking exhausted and rather pleased with themselves.

_You have been here before, have you not?_ Castiel asked and Jimmy mentally nodded as he took in the gorgeous view.

_I took Amelia here on our honeymoon._ If he was in control of the body, Jimmy would be smiling as fond memories kindled a warm happiness within him.

_But we never did quite make it all the way up here. __She hated the hike. I had to carry her up the last five switchbacks. She refused to keep going after that._ Jimmy added, finally identifying the great natural monument they were standing on: Angel's Landing. A rather appropriate name at the moment.

Castiel sat down on the rock, where its curve came precariously close to becoming sheer cliff.

_That's a shame. Only another half mile and you would have reached here,_ Castiel remarked, his eyes sweeping the panorama of canyon around them. Jimmy couldn't help but laugh at how matter-of-factly Castiel said it.

Only an angel would think it's "only" another half mile. The trail up to this point ran on the spine of a narrow ridge of rock, with a two thousand feet drop on one side and a nine hundred feet drop on the other. The trail could be as narrow as two feet wide at times, with nothing to guarantee your fate but a chain bolted to the rocks. One didn't need to have acrophobia to be terrified.

Add to the fact this is _Utah_ and there is no shade along the trail to lessen the sweltering heat, and that the trail involved a lot more climbing and scrambling along steep slopes than walking made it one hell of a strenuous hike with a very long fall if you slipped even a little.

Jimmy and Amelia were young when they came here, but they weren't exactly the very picture of fitness. They had wisely decided against finishing this last segment of the hike.

_It is a shame she missed this view though,_ Jimmy sighed. _So, is there any reason we are here?_

Castiel frowned, hesitating to give an answer.

_There is a seal here and there is a possibility of breaking it tonight. I was sent to watch over it._

Jimmy felt an unpleasant flipping sensation within him at the news. A seal. Jimmy has been with Castiel long enough to know that it meant a battle with demons. Jimmy always hated battles. Even hidden away, protected by Grace, Jimmy could feel the fear and the close-calls and the stabbing pains of injury and his angel's grief for his fallen brothers.

And every battle could be his and his angel's last.

Sensing Jimmy's discomfort, Castiel suddenly got to his feet. His wings snapped open loudly, flaring up behind him and Jimmy could feel the strength of the wind that buffeted this exposed piece of rock they stood on. It pulled at the angel's feather, pulling as hard as it call to send them over the edge.

_Let us visit God's Throne, _Castiel remarked calmly, and if Jimmy didn't know any better, he'd have though his angel was trying to suppress a smirk._  
_

_I hope you don't mean liteerAALLY- _Jimmy's heart freaking jumped out of his throat as Castiel casually hopped off the cliff. He fell for a second or two -though it seemed like an eternity- with his wings tucked tightly against his back. Then they flared opened, catching an updraft and he was suddenly soaring, climbing higher and higher until he passed the peak of Angel's Landing and kept going up.

_Won't people see us!?_ Jimmy gasped, clutching onto Castiel's Grace as if his soul could slip and fall down to earth.

_No, I made us invisible to them._

Eventually, Jimmy calmed down and relaxed, allowing him to fully enjoy the feeling of flying. With the confidence of his angel quelling his fear, Jimmy simply marveled at landscape flashing by below, the wind filling his strong wings, enjoying that freedom of movement in all dimensions.

_Why don't you travel like this more often?_ Jimmy wondered. Their usual mode of transport -creating a rip in space and jumping in, or at least that's how Jimmy understands it- was much less pleasant.

_Because this is slow and unnecessary, but we have time and I thought you would enjoy it, _Castiel replied, his eyes scanning the scenery ahead, mostly dominated by a huge square mountain. Jimmy understood what Castiel meant by God's throne now- that mountain was literally called The Great White Throne. The great rock formation is one of the defining features of the Park.

_Is that-?_

_Yes, the next seal is here. I'm sorry, but I have work to do._ Castiel landed gently at the top of The Throne.

_I understand. Thank you for all this._

Jimmy was content as Castiel tucked him away once more somewhere deep within himself, building a protective nest around his soul.

If they did die tonight, flying might not be a bad last memory.

* * *

AN: About time I wrote something where Cas is genuinely nice to Jimmy, even though it seems off to me. I don't know why but I always get the feeling that Cas doesn't think about Jimmy much.

Anyways, I had to rewrite this because I realized I spent too long trying to describe the scenery. Zion National Park is my favorite place on earth (I firmly believe that my Supernatural Heaven would be Angel's Landing) and I can't even begin to do its beauty justice so I suggest you google Zion National Park and Angel's Landing to get an idea.


End file.
